Going Solo: My Shake Shit Up Tour and What I Learned Along the Way
It’s so easy to fill every corner of every day and keep busy with seemingly endless to-do lists. I love crossing things off and “getting shit done,” but when the list feels never-ending, my soul feels trampled.
That’s when I knew: I needed to shake things up.
My vision for my 60s is to host retreats and adventures abroad. I miss traveling. I had tucked that part of myself away when I had my daughter and jumped ship from the World Bank, where I traveled pretty extensively to nearly 30 countries. I loved it, but I was done. I didn’t want to spend another day away from my family.
But in late July, I met Sally who plans adventures in the southern French Alps, and it lit something up in me. Before I knew it, I was picking up a rental car in Lyon—part recon for a retreat, part solo adventure. After I hiked with Sally and stayed at the farmhouse we’ll be staying in for the retreat, I tacked on another 10 days to explore other parts of France and Spain. And, I did it solo.
My husband gave me his blessing. My daughter was furious I wasn’t taking her.
I needed to do something that got me out of my comfort zone and away from lists, chores, and expectations.
I was feeling overwhelmed. I needed something for myself, by myself.
The Alps were spectacular. I started in the southern region, which is less touristy and it was even quieter after the summer vacationers left. The mountains felt immense, infinite, expansive. And I noticed: the more spaciousness around me, the more spaciousness I felt inside.
From there, I headed south. Three days in Lac de Serre-Ponçon and four days in Aix-en-Provence—my new favorite city. (It offers all the best of Paris, but not the worst.) Then, along the coast to visit friends in Gabian, before continuing to Sa Tuna, a tiny, wonderful beach village in the Costa Brava region, near Begur.
Throughout the trip…
I hiked and walked nearly every day.
I ate bread and cheese (which seems to agree with me in Europe—a whole other story).
I drank wine with dinner.
I lingered in cafés.
I kept my own pace.
No alarm clocks.
I went for hours without speaking.
No TV. No news.
I felt calm. Spacious. Clear.
My nervous system dropped to ground zero.
I learned a lot about France and Spain, but I also learned a lot about myself…
I had to trust that everything would work out: that my car wouldn’t break down, I wouldn’t get lost, nothing would be stolen, and I wouldn’t lose my keys. You know. all those worst-case scenarios that try to scare us from stepping out of our comfort zones keep us from taking risks. I trusted the world and myself.
Being alone made me feel more present. I didn’t have to process the day with anyone. I could just feel it, hold it, savor it.
I need nature. Not a revelation exactly, but a reminder. The mountains crack me open; the ocean calms me. Nature makes me feel whole. It makes me feel like I belong. It brings me peace.
I have to keep my “fix everything” and “control everything” tendencies in check. As a mother, it was my pride to be Super Mom. But as my daughter needs me less, I’ve needed her more. Letting go as she becomes independent is my invitation to take more risks, to step into my own new adventures while she does the same.
Does this sound familiar to you?
I believe our 50s and 60s are a rite of passage. We need to give ourselves time to step away from all the roles we’ve carried so diligently and remember who we are when no one else is around.
When we feel we can’t or shouldn’t…it’s probably the surest sign we should.
Comfort zones may feel safe, but they also keep us small.
Here’s to all the adventures ahead ladies.
And to all the French, Spanish, Dutch and Belgian folks who spoke English because I only speak English, I thank you. From the service folks to the guy at the gas station who didn’t speak any English who helped my pump my gas for the first time and make sure I didn’t buy the wrong fuel, merci beaucoup. To the wonderful wait staff at Sa Tuna restaurant who took good care of me, gracias. To Beatrice my new friend from AIRbnb, merci. Oh, and a big thanks to Google Maps and Google Translate that helped me navigate without fail.
And, Thanks to Sally at Undiscovered Mountains who I’m partnering with to host my first European retreat next September in the French Alps. You can learn more about my Wild & Wise retreat here. Check it out if you want some adventures to help you shake things up!